Argh, it feels so trite, just saying this. "I'm risking rejection--following the vision, going after the dream."
I don't like rejection. I hate it. I hate putting myself out there and wondering if someone is going to like me for what I'm saying. In fact, what I hate even more is how much I cater to the idea of someone accepting me and liking me for what I say, do, or produce. Not who I am, but who I act like. That's what's really been going on.
I very rarely let down my walls to show people what I really think and feel. I often maintain a kind of idealistic version of myself. I've learned recently through taking an old Meyer-Brigg's personality test (16personalities.com) that this is actually a trademark of my INFP personality. For those of you who think personality tests are like horoscopes, I don't believe in the latter. I do, however, see great wisdom in observing people and personality types over the years, and gaining a general understanding of others through those observations. General being the operative word. I don't think a test can define us completely, because, like the proverbial snowflake, we're all unique. Psalm 139 in the Bible says that we are wonderful and complex. (Read vs. 13-18.) No personality test can predict our future, or completely understand our past, but I do believe it can give us insight into them, and help us appreciate our present.
This year, I'm learning to accept myself for who I am. At the same time, I still find myself wanting acceptance from the world, from outside myself, and that irks me. I want to be one of those strong people who knows who they are, what they're about, and don't care what the naysayers and haters say. (Go on, Taylor Swift! Shake it off!)
But I'm not always that person. I'm usually insecure, second-guess myself, and constantly criticize or focus on what I could/should be, not what I am. Now, I've gotten a LOT better, but I'm not there yet. (See? Even now, I'm focusing on where I can be one day--who I should be, rather than celebrating who I am right now, as I am.) Oh well! It goes with the territory, hehehe. (I've come a long way!)
So, here I go, whether my writing is polished, refined, clever, or dull, trite, and simple, at least it'll be my authentic self, in that moment. (Because we're always changing, new creatures every choice we make, no matter what a personality test says.)
Thanks for listening to my voice in your head (or your own voice, really, since when you read something it usually sounds like your own voice reading it--or so they say), and I hope you don't judge me.
But even if you do, I'm still gonna write.
I don't like rejection. I hate it. I hate putting myself out there and wondering if someone is going to like me for what I'm saying. In fact, what I hate even more is how much I cater to the idea of someone accepting me and liking me for what I say, do, or produce. Not who I am, but who I act like. That's what's really been going on.
I very rarely let down my walls to show people what I really think and feel. I often maintain a kind of idealistic version of myself. I've learned recently through taking an old Meyer-Brigg's personality test (16personalities.com) that this is actually a trademark of my INFP personality. For those of you who think personality tests are like horoscopes, I don't believe in the latter. I do, however, see great wisdom in observing people and personality types over the years, and gaining a general understanding of others through those observations. General being the operative word. I don't think a test can define us completely, because, like the proverbial snowflake, we're all unique. Psalm 139 in the Bible says that we are wonderful and complex. (Read vs. 13-18.) No personality test can predict our future, or completely understand our past, but I do believe it can give us insight into them, and help us appreciate our present.
This year, I'm learning to accept myself for who I am. At the same time, I still find myself wanting acceptance from the world, from outside myself, and that irks me. I want to be one of those strong people who knows who they are, what they're about, and don't care what the naysayers and haters say. (Go on, Taylor Swift! Shake it off!)
But I'm not always that person. I'm usually insecure, second-guess myself, and constantly criticize or focus on what I could/should be, not what I am. Now, I've gotten a LOT better, but I'm not there yet. (See? Even now, I'm focusing on where I can be one day--who I should be, rather than celebrating who I am right now, as I am.) Oh well! It goes with the territory, hehehe. (I've come a long way!)
So, here I go, whether my writing is polished, refined, clever, or dull, trite, and simple, at least it'll be my authentic self, in that moment. (Because we're always changing, new creatures every choice we make, no matter what a personality test says.)
Thanks for listening to my voice in your head (or your own voice, really, since when you read something it usually sounds like your own voice reading it--or so they say), and I hope you don't judge me.
But even if you do, I'm still gonna write.
